10.24.2007

Notes From The Great Caucasian Euro-Hajj

I know, its self imposed exile. Don’t ask me why I do this to myself, because I don’t really know why. Perhaps it’s because of the American Western Cowboy myth that’s so deeply ingrained in my societies story. It’s the legend of a leathery loner riding on horseback into a fading Arizona sunset. In my case it’s all the relationships and communities that I am journeying away from, riding into the sunset of past friendships left unattended too long.

Or maybe it is the more recent myth I am following. The young, lone backpacker striking out in the world (“while you still can”) myth. I’ve heard it echoed again and again. Seen the envy in the eyes of those who have “settled down” and can no longer make the journey.

The grass is most definitely greener anywhere else than where you are standing. I fall victim to that lie quite often. As humans we have this innate ability to project current feelings and emotions onto past experiences. Terrible, lonely journeys of the past become great stories in the future.

If you ask me about this trip five years from now I will have glamorised it enough to make you wish you were there with me.

A thick fog is quickly descending all around me as I pen this entry. I sit on a clear-cut stump in a field of clear-cut stumps. I can see groves of new pines springing up amidst the ghosts of a forest that once was. Grouse communicate in the distance from beneath fields of fern turned brown in preparation for the winter to come. I’m at the edge of the Scottish Highlands near a town named Comrie.

I’ve spent the last few days making beds and cleaning toilets while families and wedding parties scurry around from one beautiful “attraction” to the next. You cannot throw off the bonds of a productivity-obsessed culture in less than a week. Trust me, I’ve tried.

I’m not depressed, just lonely. Some think it’s because I just “need Jesus” in my life. Perhaps, but I suppose it could also be that restless loneliness we all feel. Maybe I’m just honest enough (or stupid enough) to say in writing what we all feel but rarely admit too feeling. Maybe I just run headlong into a good question instead of seeking solace in a safe answer. Maybe I’m just too thick headed to accept what I already know to be true.

I’ll stop there. I’m hungry and need to find a recipe for making creamy tomato soup. Goodnight.

3 Comments:

Anonymous josh said...

i know i suck at commenting. but i love following your travels. and romanticization or not . . . you're doing things your way, at your pace, and on your time.

that's what people envy.

drink it. and find some hot irish gal for your travel companion.

6:30 PM  
Blogger Tim T. said...

Hey sucka. I've been thinking about you. i just caught up on your October adventures. I've missed ya and thanks for keeping the blog going. It makes me feel like your here with me, hanging out, talking like a redneck.

I saw a racoon about 5 minutes ago. Made me think of you. A bandit character that keeps itself from getting caught. But after I saw the one, I saw a second and then a third, crawling behind, being ever so careful to not fall off the fence that they were precariously walking on. I thought... "these guys are family." and then that's what made me think of you.

Speaking of rednecks, I just got back from Georgia. I went to a wedding and I met this guy that I got along with named Chris. He would yell my name like you would... "TAME.... TAME!!!"
I was shocked by the crazy amounts of discrimination that permeates that place. I forgot how it was.

I've been really busy with school. Got excepted into the Sociology program. It was cool and all but the institution of the University is pretty sickening. I haven't gotten used to it yet. Everybody is competing to get the better grade so they wouldn't mind throwing you under the bus if they could.

Josh from the Matrix (tall, dark haired, balding Josh who was friends with Marty) broke up with his girlfriend after 2 years. Paul broke up with his boyfriend and then the guy spilled a whole cup of tea on Paul's laptop. He's gonna pitch in to buy him a new one.

I figured you would appreciate to hear some stuff that you've missed. It might be boring to some but I'm sure you would appreciate some gossip when you feel far away.

Are planning on seeing those bands I told you about? Don't be lame and cop out of a good show. Take care of yourself man. Email me when you can and I'll do the same. Later Sk8ter.

8:22 PM  
Anonymous Andrew said...

I couldn't resist having a peek, even before you've left. You are a very good writer. Your photographs may even surpass the writing. Looks like we've somewhat wasted your talent here. Sorry. If you pass through Scotland again in the next wee while and need some cash, I'd be happy to commission you to take photographs for the business.

Have a great time in Harris and I hope we'll talk again. It was good.

12:46 AM  

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