8.21.2006

What I Am Not

There’s this scene in Fight Club where Tyler Durden is preaching to the audience about how the things they own don’t make them what they are and in short, spastic bursts he blurts out “You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your f*ckin' khakis!”

I’ve been thinking that maybe he should have added that you’re not your superfluous blog posts.

A few months back I met a girl who knew more about me from my blog than she did from real life interactions and conversations. The funny thing about blogging is that you can present things, topics, arguments, whatever with all of the pomp and pizzazz that seems to be lacking from your real life interactions. I can create a world that I have complete control over. Words are spelled perfectly, sentences structured and restructured to sound and evoke the emotions I am trying to make you feel.

Writing can be a very manipulative thing and maybe that’s why I am drawn to it. In a world of uncontrollable circumstances I find solace behind my keyboard. They Y key will always produce a Y on the screen when I push it. Don’t mistake what I am saying with a kind of demonization of writing. I love to read other peoples writing and I love the way it can twist and manipulate things into something larger than what it is or was.

My life is not as eloquent as my blog might lead you to believe and I like that. I like that I can articulate things on here that I have a hard time presenting in person. A blog is very therapeutic in that way.

Therapy or not, its important to me (I wont call it a value of mine but its close to that) that I not live vicariously through my blog or anything else I do. I know that nothing I have said here is earth shattering (I’m past the stage of trying to write on “original” content) but it’s important for me to say it. There is something about writing a thought down and sharing it with a group of people that brings a certain validation to it.

Sometimes I have this fear that I will meet people who have only known me through my blog and find our meeting to be a complete letdown, lacking all of the witty, articulated, and well put together statements that seem to make up who I am in blog form. So if you chance to meet me offline and in the flesh, please be gracious and patient with me.

I am not my superfluous blog posts.

1 Comments:

Anonymous dearcarl said...

Having met you in the real world, I can say that you were just as interesting face to face. I agree that written expression is much easier to control and present only what you want to be seen, but I sometimes think I get to show more of the real me through writing. I wonder if my self consciousness gets in the way of who I want to offer to the world. I know I have got better at being myself without the protection of the written word, but it still seems my soul is more connected to my pen.

4:56 AM  

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